After guiding a few friends into blossoming relationships recently, it has quickly become apparent that I am somewhat of a ‘dating guru’. I don’t want to bang on about it – but I’m fucking excellent, and with the recent surge in dating professionals charging £500 upwards to find the perfect match, its something I could look into…..Never one to knock back an extra bit of ‘beer money’.
I’m not sure which category I fall into but a quick glimpse online shows that they normally come in two varieties; the metro-sexual types with a bit of hedonism about them like Russell Brand, or the camp, rakish desirable boyish charm like the lead singer from Years and Years. Either way, both usually come with the personality of a toad (and no, the twee-looking one from Wind in the Willows)
Neither of the aforementioned possess my ‘bear powers of deduction’ mind, ever since I managed to suss that my
clinically obese sugar-craving mother nabbed the last Cadbury’s Boaster aged 11, I have solved many an unsolved mystery. I could have told you who shot JR in a few minutes…while I’m here, I should have ‘piped up’ and told you to put the biscuits down, sorry mummy.
Picking ‘Biscuit Bandoleros’ requires a slightly different skills set than recommending a friend’s future spouse, for starters – you need your friends’s ear, and giving them advice they don’t want to hear and this seamlessly brings me onto the topic of todays offering.
Once you have done the hard part of finding your one true love, the harder task is often screening of qualifying them – Do they pass the ‘shit test’? fortunately Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W, Ph.D and all round clever bloke has done the leg work for you, and written a great post all in the name of science which can be found here.
Now, where is that £500……..